Sit on my couch and listen to my mom talk about how amazing I am while I eat cereal out of the box, maybe. Well, probably.
— answering “What are your plans once you get home?”
Is my sister Molly Ringwald? I can’t get over how much my sister looks like Molly Ringwald here. Did my mom have twins and give the pouty looking one up for adoption?
I’m scared, you guys.
Hey
I’m about to make the dreadfully long trip from Australia to America and I am feeling really uninspired with my iTunes. Anyone have some new music they want to share? Good travel playlists?
Dear Christians, Jesus called. He wants to know if you guys misunderstood him. He said, “Love thy neighbor as thyself.” Not, “Love thy neighbor as thyself unless they’re gay.” Oh boy. He’s not a happy camper. He was texting me about how hypocritical you guys are but then his Blackberry died. The good news is he’s thinking of switching to an iPhone. We shall see.
—Also, he wants you hipsters to know that he’s utterly appalled re ruining The Beard.
get your travel on
Every time I see pictures of Victoria Beckham walking through an airport in six inch platform heels and one of her signature tight-fitting dresses I unintentionally roll my eyes and grunt. Of course she can look like that. She doesn’t have to pull a 49.5 pound suitcase behind her. She doesn’t have a backpack on carrying her laptop, bottle of water, and books causing her shoulders to tense up and get all red like she’s having a bad allergic reaction to something. “There’s no reason we shouldn’t travel in style.” says Vicky B. Well, actually Victoria, there are several reason why we don’t look like you walking through the airport.
I wouldn’t call myself a seasoned traveller, but for the past few years I’ve been jumping on and off planes, studying in Greece, and then later nannying in London and Melbourne, Australia. I am not a Victoria Beckham. I don’t have bodygaurds and chaffeurs and pretty luggage. I’m a twenty four year old “free spirit” as my mother calls me. The only thing that Victoria Beckham and I have in common is that I follow her on twitter. I travel in the most unstylish, practical manner possible. I have been known to board a plane in flannel pajamas. I’m a firm believer in wearing Uggs on the plane because my feet go numb and I lose the ability to walk to the bathroom when I don’t. I wore my dad’s scrubs into a Chili’s TO GO one time and a businessman asked me where I went to med school. I told him Stanford and he bought me a Bud Light Select.
But, I’ve recently come up with some helpful travelling advice that, for those of us who don’t have an indespensible bank account, can benefit from:
1. If you’re on a long flight, wear comfortable clothing. No one really cares what you look like. At the end of the day, we’re all just trying to get from Point A to Point B. If you need to look presentable on arrival, pack a jersey dress in your carry-on and throw it on once you get there.
2. Buy a large pashmina that can double as a scarf or blanket. I have a white one that goes with everything. I wear it on the plane as a scarf. Once I am seated I order a glass of wine, pull it off and wrap myself up in it before the wheels even leave the tarmac.
3. Pack your own food. Trail mix is my in-flight go-to snack. The people sitting next to me are always kind of jealous of how prepared I am. One time, on a flight from New York to New Orleans, I got stuck sitting next to someone who had just picked up two boxes of Panda Express before boarding. I thought it was a joke. Who does that? Other good options: energy bars, rice cakes, roasted chick peas, almonds, and a chocolate bar to keep you sane. Be sure to keep your own bottle of water in tow. Hydration is key to not dying a planes I hear.
4. Don’t overpack. This is a given and I feel like people have gotten better about this in the past few years. Don’t bring those things that you know you won’t wear but just want to have to impress your friends. That gets to be expensive and it’s never worth it. Your friends just want to drink some champs and kick real time with you. They don’t really care what you could’ve worn if you hadn’t worn that.
5. Just buy the stupid Kindle. I get it. You love the feel of books. We all do. But, if you enjoy reading something a little heavier than an US Weekly, invest in the Kindle. They’re cheap these days, right?
6. Prepare you playlists according to three categories: favorites, music you can sleep to, and music that you need to hear as you descend to your destination. You know, like if I’m landing in California, I would listen to Joanna Newsome’s ‘In California’ or something. Whatever makes you excited to be in that place, listen to that. You’re in a new place. Let yourself feel those emotions!
7. Be a curteous passenger. I once had a woman ask if she could use the empty seat next to me to put her sleeping baby in so that she could rest for a bit. I told her that was absurd.
8. My dad tells me that it’s really important to walk around every two hours or else you can get blood clots in your legs and die. So, do that.
9. A neck pillow is key if you plan on sleeping in flight.
10. Don’t be an idiot. Pack a toothbrush!
These are the things that keep me grounded whilst traveling. See what I did there? Oh man. Keep your cell phone charged, keep your water bottle fresh. Stay calm and fly away!
is it okay if i make an automated email response that just says “I’m sorry you feel that way” to take care of my emails for the next few months?
oh for fuck’s sake
I really don’t understand people who think it’s okay to jump up when the stewardess starts to call zones to board the plane. Here’s the thing: the plane is not going anywhere for at least half an hour, usually more, and once you get on the plane you’re just going to sit there and wait and watch other people try to stuff their big, fat carry-on into the overhead compartment. Plus, it usually starts to stink because they don’t turn the air on until the plane leaves the gate. Why would you want to rush on to a stinky plane that is absolutely not going to leave you? I’m the type of person that likes to sit and wait at the gate until most of the passengers are boarded. There aren’t many of us who are in on this. But, those of us who are wink at each other and roll our eyes at how obnoxious every one else is. I like to wait to the point that the stewardess is practically begging me to get on the plane. It’s just so damn weird that people rush on to planes like it’s a ride a Universal Studios. You guys, we have assigned seats. Everyone needs to just calm down for a second. Damn.
I’m taking a break from wine…
and I’m going to try and start drinking some form of whiskey. I feel like wine and I are like that couple that won’t quit each other. I just need some breathing room, you know? The problem is I don’t want to be that girl that orders a vodka redbull or tequila or whatever. I was her in college and my system has changed since then. I can’t drink like that anymore.
But, I still love to have a five o’clock unwind sesh. My mom and stepfather have a drink every day at 5pm. They sit out on the front porch and talk to people as they walk by our house. It’s real cute and I would like to join them. But, I need a new drink.
The problem is, I don’t know very much about whiskey. I know there are a lot of different types: Kentucky, Tennessee, Canadian, Scotch, Rye and whatever else. But, how do you find your signature whiskey? I’ve heard you can’t drink Bourbon on the rocks. I feel like whichever whiskey I decide to adopt as my own needs to be one that I can drink on the rocks. I have a friend who drinks her Crown Royal room temperature and it really freaks me out. So, something I can enjoy over ice. Something with a nice maple-y taste. Something that’s not going to set my throat ablaze.
Help?
Young Adult
I just saw this movie because I live in a country that thinks Mean Girls is a new release and I must say that I thought it was kind of genius. High school prom queen goes back to small hometown and everyone is like “eh, whatever” and she can’t handle it. I know this person all too well. There are several people I want to send this movie to anonymously but I won’t because I’m trying this whole ‘you get what you give, positive outlook thing.’ It’s really hard you guys.
